KKMS

[Tour Guide walks into a classroom followed by stranger. Students are seated and teacher is mid-lesson. Teacher is quickly speeding through a very difficult lesson, and students appear confused and frustrated.] Guide: (in large emphatic whispers) and //this// is one of our many state-of-the-art classrooms. You can tell from the large white Promethean board, which is completely different than a blackboard, because you can write in different colors! [Student nods, looking unimpressed and a bit exasperated at this point] [Loudspeaker beeps loudly] Tour Guide: (to student) oh lucky you, you get to hear one of our wonderful and informative announcements! Man Over Speaker: All students and staff, your attention please! [Pause lasts for an obscenely long time as people look at each other awkwardly.] Man over Speaker: I have a very important announcement which will affect you all dramatically and severely so I really need you to be quiet. But first I’d like to tell you about my day. It was a fine day really. I awoke to the wonderful sounds of bacon cooking and the smell of fresh pancakes. I was delighted because it meant that mother had finally woken early enough to make me breakfast! On my way to school I saw the Cheltenham principal driving next to me… of course he made it a point to honk at me as he sped past in his bright yellow Mustang… blasted man always one-ups me… he neglects to admit that the only way he can afford it is his wife’s little side job, ha ha ha-- (abruptly stops and clears throat, as if someone cut him off from the side). But that’s beside the point. I would just like to remind everyone that both eating glue and running with scissors are strictly prohibited in this school. It seems as though some have forgotten this fact. Just because we are nearing the end of the year does not mean that we can neglect all the guidelines we have followed until this point. Anyone caught eating glue or running with scissors will be apprehended and forced to make me a lunch. My favorite is PB&J. Thank you; that will be all. [Loudspeaker remains on even though he had clearly finished his announcement. Students can clearly determine a very personal conversation going on between the secretary and the person she is speaking to, in which she reveals ___]__ [Loudspeaker beeps off] [Teacher resumes, and Tour Guide and Stranger prepare to leave. Loudspeaker beeps again] Man on Speaker: I would just like to remind everyone that my favorite sandwich is PB&J. Thank you. (Guide and Student duck out quietly)

//A group of students are walking slowly down the hallway, almost as if they were a wall. A separate student emphatically tries to look for a gap and squeeze through (extreme, slow-motion walking). Just as a break appears in the line, the students link and stop walking altogether. // //Dozens of students are frantically trying to fit through doors, but only one is being used. // //A group of students are innocently walking through the hall when a random girl violently shoves her way through them. *Excuse you!* //
 * Library Skit **
 * Tour Guide: ** As you first notice, our school contains dozens of hallways, connecting the many different wings. The aerodynamic construction of these corridors, along with wideset pathways, allows for the quickest movement from one class to another.
 * Tour Guide **: You will also find that our hallways are connected by a series of doors, lessening crowds and further allowing you to walk effortlessly to class.
 * New Student: ** I don’t know. This school seems a little crowded, and somewhat…chaotic.
 * Tour Guide: ** Oh, nonsense! Abington is all about manners and respect! We want all of our students to feel accepted and comfortable in their high school, even during class changes. No matter where you are, we want you to feel welcomed and loved.
 * Tour Guide: **//Nervously laughs. //Haha.. oh what a kidder. I’ll tell you, the kids here love lighthearted banter. Well, let’s move on to the Language hallway, where the walls are adorned with posters created by our hardworking students to beautify our building. Sunlight shines through this corridor illuminating the entire floor.

//Two random people gazing into each others' eyes.//


 * Tour Guide:** All of our students enjoy relaxing near the artwork! Who wouldn't? Oh, we must hurry if we want to finish this little tour in time.

//Move onto next skit.//

Cafeteria __ ** Tour guide ** – It’s lunch time here at Abington. Let me show you our wonderful cafeterias, stocked with some of the finest cuisine. (Enter caf. Student smells something. Guide doesn’t react.) ** Student ** – Oh God, what’s that smell! Ugh, it’s like cat food or something. (Tour guide leaves. Student sits and places hands on table.) ** Student ** – EW! What the – ?! Why is everything so…sticky?! (Student wipes hands on pants and looks around disgustedly. Aid approaches.) ** Aid ** – Don’t forget to clean up your trash. (Exit aid. Student looks frustrated. Enter guide with tray.) ** Tour guide ** – I’m back. Hope you’ve had a chance to admire our really hygienic tables and our kind support staff. (Throughout this speech, the student is getting sicker and sicker looking. At the end they cover mouth and run as if to throw up) ** Tour guide ** – Huh, I guess she’s not hungry; probably the nerves. Oh well.
 * Tour guide ** – No silly! That’s today’s special! Nachos and chicken patties!
 * Student ** – Oh…well that doesn’t sound too bad… (apprehensive)
 * Tour guide ** – Not at all! Here, I’ll show you. Maybe get you a sample! You sit there and I’ll go buy a tray.
 * Student ** – Oh, it’s not mine but –
 * Aid ** – CLEAN UP YOUR TRASH!
 * Student ** – Uhhh…yeah. So this is the food here?
 * Tour guide ** – Yeah, the price is steep, but it’s the price you pay for a quality meal. Like the nachos, they’re super fresh; they’re only from last Christmas I think! And their topped with tender beef…well it might be beef, but who can really tell when it’s smothered in mystery sauce. And see the sour cream? It used to be milk, but they left the fridge open and some stuff got funky, but they couldn’t let it go to waste! Oh, and leave room for the chicken patties. Like the lunch ladies always say, “a little salmonella never hurt anyone! Helps build your immune system!” And I got you milk too! (SHAKES MILK) Oh you’re lucky, it only sounds a little chunky! So, ready to dig in?

Skit (The Library) // The tour guide leads the student to the library. The student is eager to get a feel for her new school and is really excited about becoming part of the Abington school district his fall. // Tour Guide: Aah, and here is one of the best things about Abington, our library. Here students are able to learn and they are allowed access to this high-end learning center throughout the day. We make sure to never turn away a student who needs // A student runs pass the tour guide and the student clutching a small, crumpled yellow sheet of paper. Out of breath and looking frantic, he attempts to run into the library but is stopped by two teachers guarding the door. // Frantic Kid: Excuse me I really need to get into the library. I have a term paper due today and my printer wasn’t working last night. I just need to print out my paper and that’s it. Teacher Guarding Door: Oooooh, so close, but the library is full. Frantic Kid: But….I have a pass [//he feebly presents the pass to teacher]// Teacher Guarding Door: Yea, and so do all the other kids in there [//the teacher points to the inside of the library//]. But I think you know the difference between them and you Frantic Kid : (looks confused) Teacher Guarding Door: They got here first. Student: I thought you said the library doesn’t turn away students who need its re- Tour Guide (cutting her off): How about we go inside so you can see the computers? // Once inside the student sees a kid playing video games, another kid logged into facebook, and at least five students lined up in front of a cart of laptop, all of them looking exasperated. // Tour Guide: And this is the cyber café, where we have extra computers for those students who didn’t come here in time for desktops! Student: Oh café! You can eat your lunch while you do some research! That’s convenient, especially since it seems like a lot of students are here from lunch. Tour Guide: …No. Student: Oh… well… what are they waiting for? Tour Guide: Oh, the woman who opens the laptop cart. She’s on lunch. She probably won’t be back. Student: What about the students who need laptops? What’s the point of having a laptop cart if you can’t use it? Isn’t someone else in here qualified enough to put a key in the lock to open the cart? Tour Guide: Alright that concludes are tour, I hope you enjoyed yourself and are looking forward to starting school in Abington this fall.